Missy Girl Parliman
April 12, 2003 - July 18, 2017
A week ago today I said goodnight to my oldest furbaby, Missy
Girl not knowing that the following day would bring heartache and disaster to
my family.
I woke up at ten after seven
after having gone to bed pretty late and stepped in something wet.
I didn’t know what it was as I continued to
stumble towards the doorway of my bedroom to step in another something
wet.
I reached the stove in my kitchen
and saw not one, not two, but if I remember correctly around five or six lines
of very soft dog poop.
I didn’t curse or
even get upset, instead opting to say damn, that’s a lot of shit!
As I reached the toilet, I nearly stepped in
a small puddle of pee.
I sighed, did my
own business and began the task of cleaning it up.
I’m sure by now I had grumbled a little about
having to clean it up.
I even toyed with
the idea of leaving it because I was so tired, but I didn’t.
I cleaned it up and washed my hands and then
headed back towards my bedroom only to step in something I knew wasn’t poop or
pee, but very slimy because I slid a little in it.
This time I did say, what the hell and
hobbled back over to the sink for a paper towel and cleaned my foot off and
washed my hands again after cleaning up what was a slimy blob of something.
After cleaning it up, I flicked on the
bedroom light to see where Missy was because it was uncharacteristic of her not
follow me out of the bedroom to go to the back door, even though she had
already messed on the floor. What I saw
both shocked and made my heart sink. She
was lying on my bedroom floor laying in an awkward position on her side with
her feet sprawled in all directions except the ones she would usually lay in. I knew instantly that something was very
wrong with her. I called her name as I
knelt next to her and she didn’t even lift her head. I leaned over her and she barely acknowledged
me. Then I saw the slimy stuff I had
stepped in was all over her muzzle, chest and feet. She began to whimper when I leaned over her
and I picked her up and held her in my arms against my chest while I sat in her
bed trying to comfort her the best I could.
She was very heavy and limp.
Something terrible had happened to her and I didn’t know what it
was. I tried to clean her face, but the
stuff was so thick and mucus so I laid her back down and went and got a wet paper
towel. When that didn’t help, I knew I
had to give her a bath to remove the stuff.
I took her in the bathroom and
set her in the tub. She didn’t budge. She didn’t even fight me. I then knew something very serious was wrong
with her. She half sat, half laid there
with scared eyes. It took me nearly 30
minutes to wash her off and get her rinsed and not once did she fight me. I took scissors and did my best to cut the mats off her feet and she didn’t fight me.
This is my championship fighter when it comes to grooming and baths and
she wasn’t fighting me an ounce! I tried
to be as gentle as could be with her and when I was finished bathing her, she
could barely stand. I took her out of
the tub and she tried to shake the water from her and she fell, hitting her
head and crying. I felt like shit. I knew it had to hurt. I held her while she tried to shake again and
she couldn’t muster enough strength to do that.
I got another towel and wrapped her in it along with a flannel blanket
and I took her back into my bedroom and held her while she calmed back down and
I gently dried her. She was exhausted by
now and wanted to sleep. I laid her back
down on clean blankets and wrapped her up snuggly. I even turned off the air conditioner because
she was shivering so much. I made sure
she was comfortable, text my husband about her and went and got a shower.
At lunchtime she tried to come out of the
bedroom and stumbled and fell over with each step only making it to the stove
and she couldn’t hold her bladder any longer.
I felt so bad for her. I tried to
give her water, but she wouldn’t drink it.
I cleaned her up and changed her bed because she had messed in it a
little and helped her back in bed. She
stayed there until my husband came home.
I wanted to take her to the vet.
I thought it was either time to make a hard decision or let the vet make
the hard decision, but my husband said no.
He felt she had some fight left in her and said we would see how she was
the next day. I honestly didn’t’ think
she’d make it to the next day. He got
her to drink a little and eat a little turkey and rice but she had a lot of
trouble eating. It seemed only half her
face was working and she couldn’t see. I
slept on the floor with her until almost 3 in the morning. I put my arm between her paws and she curled
them around it until she fell asleep. To
see my little girl suffering like this was heartbreaking. I finally got up off the floor and saw she
had gotten sick. I cleaned her up and
changed her bed again and got her comfortably back to sleep and crawled into my
own bed.
I got up with her again the
next morning and had to carry her outside to use the bathroom. She couldn’t even stand up by herself she was
so weak. I held her up and she peed a
tiny little spot and pooped three little spots too. She looked up at me like she didn’t know
where I was but could hear me. I scooped
her up and carried her back inside and put her back in bed. She stayed in her bed. I changed it again because the dew had made
the sand stick to her fur and had gotten her bed all sandy. Once I got her comfortable again, she went
back to sleep. I had startled her
several times checking on her and felt so bad when she jumped. It was like she couldn’t see me. My husband called me and we talked about
making that hard decision again and decided I needed to call the vet. I did.
They asked me a few questions and I made an appointment to bring her in. For some reason, I thought they would check
her over before doing anything but I found out quickly later that I was wrong.
We took her at 5 o’clock, my husband met me
there with my daughter and I must tell you that making the decision to put my
furbaby to sleep was probably one of the hardest decisions I have ever made in
my life. I know it’s not like losing a
child, but it’s the closest I ever want to come near feeling like I did.
Her adrenaline kicked in last minute and she
drank water after refusing it for over 24 hours. She tried to get out of my husband’s lap when
she could barely lift her head. She
perked up like, “hey guys, I’m still here” and I DIDN’T LISTEN. Instead, I went through with the decision
that has completely destroyed me inside. I said I already paid, instead of lets just
wait it out and take her home. I should
have given her more time.
My husband held her and I told her over and
over it would be okay. I held her head
and kissed her over and over and… lied to her.
It wasn’t going to be okay, I was making the decision to put her to
sleep. I feel like I betrayed her. After 14 years of faithful loyalty, I feel as
though I betrayed her and let her down. I
should have taken her home to die. I
should have said no. I should have held
out one more day. I really believe I was
doing what was best for her. She was not
going to recover from this. She had
apparently had a stroke. The stroke had
taken her eyesight so she was scared at that vet’s office. She was going to die no matter what I
did. I just felt I was doing the right
thing by not making her suffer any more than she did, but I still feel like I
betrayed her and let her down. I feel
like I killed her. I basically did by
allowing the vet to put her to sleep.
They
gave her a shot to calm her down and we had to wait while they dealt with an aggressive
dog. They gave her another to make her
go to sleep. The last one was to stop
her heart… and I think a piece of mine died with her at that very moment.
We
wrapped her in a blanket and brought her home.
My kids dug a grave under my dad’s Rose of Sharon tree and John and I
built her a small coffin. We buried her
with her bed, red pillow, her 3 dog blankets, her Aflac duck, her bone, her
food cup, her leash, collar and a pink stuffed puppy that said we love you very
much. We covered her with another brown
blanket before putting the top of the coffin on. We had a little service for her and we all
helped to bury her with the earth. She
was truly loved by everyone. I just wish
I had given her one more day.
I didn’t think it would hurt this bad. I didn’t think I would react this way. I didn’t think I would cry every waking
minute. I didn’t think it would affect
me the way it has. I didn’t realize how
much I loved this dog. I didn’t know it
would feel like I lost a part of myself.
I didn’t expect the guilt. It’s not a guilty feeling like I did something
wrong, it’s a guilty feeling because I should have waited longer and I miss
her. I didn’t think I would miss her
like I do. I feel so bad for what I
did. I know I shouldn’t because she was
suffering so badly, but I do. I loved
this little dog like a child. She has
been a part of my life for over 14 years!
She was always there for me. Always
listening to me grumble and groan about how bad or good things were. She never turned me away and always gave me
love when I needed it the most. So she
pissed and shit on the floor almost every morning… I wish I still had to clean
up after her if it meant she was back with me.
I MISS HER SO MUCH!
I miss her
woof, I miss her whine, I miss her singing, I miss her barking, I miss her
jumping all over me when I walked through the door and yelling at me for being
gone all day at work.
I miss watching
her light up when John comes home each night from work.
I miss her sleeping next to me and her stinky
dog smell.
I miss her prancing for her dinner
and tap dancing across the floor because she wouldn’t let me cut her
nails.
I even miss her turning in a
circle wiping her butt on the floor in excitement!
I miss my Matilda, Stinkygirl, Tap Dancer,
Pain in the ass, mouthy, grumpy, sweet, sometimes forgotten outside, always
loved, Missy Girl.
She will forever hold
a special place in my heart as my first furbaby.
I will never forget her and I will continue
to love her and miss her forever.
