Sunday went like this...

I got up, I got showered... no we're not going to make it a rundown of what vicki did today, lol... Today was for the most part a good day with the exception of some undeserved sarcastic comments from a certain person who I think was trying to get a rise out of me.  We took the kids for one last hurrah for ice cream today and bought 2 kickballs being the weather is changing and maybe we could start playing a little... the game was good and we were actually being nice to one another and when I say one another I mean me and my husband.  Then I kick a good stiff ball towards the outfield and he tried to run for it so he can get me out because he loves to show me how much better he is at everything than me and when he did, he tripped and started to go head first into a pile of cinderblocks!!!  I stop in my tracks and cover my mouth letting go a startled scream cause all I can picture is his head slamming into them and he'd get hurt and at the last minute he throws his hands out and his head literally stopped within centimeters of this pile of bricks... he's panting hard at the realization of what could've happened, the kids are upset, my daughter is almost crying and I ask oh my God, are you okay?  He insists he's okay and sits for a few minutes regrouping as we all speculate what if.  I mean I know things are rocky between us and all, but I don't want to see anything bad happen to him.  I help him to his feet, we continue the game for a little while and we all go inside.  Well a little while later he comes into the kitchen and stands in the doorway of our bedroom where I am sitting on my computer; checking email.  I look up and he says to me well you almost got what you wanted today.  I was like what?  And he says you almost got what you wanted, but not quite huh and walks away from me.  I was like what the f*ck was that?  So i get up and go out into the living room where he is and ask him what that was supposed to mean and dontcha think that was a little uncalled for?  He asked me if the truth hurt?  I was like truth about what?  Getting what I wanted.  I asked him if he wasn't sure about it being what he wanted. He said something about him getting hurt or killed wouldn't be what he wanted, but what I wanted and I just walked away from him mad once again. 

  I may be alot of things in my lifetime, but wishing death or someone to get hurt is not one of those things... His comments were neither funny or called for and I certainly didn't appreciate it...

  So now I sit here on my computer once more blogging about him yet again and wondering how do I get myself into shit like this when I am busy minding my own business???

Drama does a follow me...

damn!  Talk about your major meltdown and I had nothing to do with it... My son and his wife... All I can say is DAMN!!!  I am going to need therapy before this is all over with...

Difficult Decision

I have been trying to make one of the most difficult decisions in my life now for nearly 6 weeks and I know some of my close friends and family are probably tired of the waiting and tired of hearing me talk, but I have to make something very clear... this is NOT easy for me.  The last time I made a decision like the one I am mulling over it ended very badly for me and scarred me for life.  Now I am in NO WAY saying that this is how this decision will end.  I don't know what to expect, but the last one left an impression on me that I still have nightmares about to this day and it happened 18 years ago!!!   So all I am asking is that my family and friends be patient with me.  I have not changed my mind about this, it's just a little more complicated than I ever thought possible when you still have feelings...