Tuesday, July 25, 2017
For nearly ten years (or more) I have been suffering bouts of exhaustion (my whole life), getting sick at the drop of a hat (my whole life and when I mean sick, I mean bronchitis, walking pneumonia, ear infections that do not respond to antibiotics... have to go several rounds of steroids, and antibiotics before I see improvement sick), joints and muscles hurting and swelling up painfully, skin breaking down in nasty patchy psoriasis spots on my elbows, knees, in my hair, my hands and at times, my entire body including my face! My iron and vitamin D have been depleted at times that it even worried my doctor. I'm anemic to a point that my blood had trouble clotting after having a simple plantar wart removed from my toe and I bled for nearly 40 minutes! (Not to mention that the wart was caused by a virus that my immune system was too compromised to fight off for nearly 7 years!) My stomach hurts and burns, but the colonoscopy shows no celiac, cancer, ulcers, chron's, nothing... I'm just at a loss. My gastroenterologist was 80% positive that it was celiac almost 2 weeks ago but the tests say no. I even tested positive back in 2013 for gluten allergy, but now I'm not? So now I am back to square one AGAIN! I'm grateful that there is nothing severely wrong, or even wrong in my test results, but I am frustrated that they cannot find what is causing all of this to happen. My body is depleted of iron and they can't figure out why. I can't eat any more red meat than I do without fear of turning into a freaking cow! I can't lose weight, I feel like a lump, no energy...nothing! I am so depressed over this that I just want to crawl into my bed and never get out of it again! I so sick and tired of being sick and tired!
So I have made a decision that I am done trying to figure this out. I am done wasting my time and my insurance companies money on trying to find an answer. I am going to focus the rest of my remaining energy on finding a way to lose this excess weight and at least get that part of my body and life back under control. Maybe the chips will fall into place if I do that. I think I am going to try a Ketogenic diet for about three months faithfully and see where I am in October and re-evaluate things again. I know my weight is probably a key factor, but know this. I had lost 53 pounds back in 2013 and nothing changed. I was still sick, I was still exhausted, I still hurt head to toe, my skin was a complete mess, my stomach still hurt and my vitamin D dropped to a whooping 17! I couldn't breathe right and my allergies went through the roof!
I just want some relief. I want to feel normal again... I think I've forgotten what normal feels like. I want to look in the mirror and like what I see. I want to feel good about me and the choices I make. I want to feel happy. I'm so tired of feeling unhappy.
Monday, July 24, 2017
Missy Girl Parliman
April 12, 2003 - July 18, 2017
A week ago today I said goodnight to my oldest furbaby, Missy Girl not knowing that the following day would bring heartache and disaster to my family. I woke up at ten after seven after having gone to bed pretty late and stepped in something wet. I didn’t know what it was as I continued to stumble towards the doorway of my bedroom to step in another something wet. I reached the stove in my kitchen and saw not one, not two, but if I remember correctly around five or six lines of very soft dog poop. I didn’t curse or even get upset, instead opting to say damn, that’s a lot of shit! As I reached the toilet, I nearly stepped in a small puddle of pee. I sighed, did my own business and began the task of cleaning it up. I’m sure by now I had grumbled a little about having to clean it up. I even toyed with the idea of leaving it because I was so tired, but I didn’t. I cleaned it up and washed my hands and then headed back towards my bedroom only to step in something I knew wasn’t poop or pee, but very slimy because I slid a little in it. This time I did say, what the hell and hobbled back over to the sink for a paper towel and cleaned my foot off and washed my hands again after cleaning up what was a slimy blob of something.
Monday, May 29, 2017
I used to be a person that loved the beach. I can remember when I was a kid the excitement of finding out that we were going. I didn't grow up on the beach, but I lived about 45 mins away at all times. My mom has pics of me playing, running and having a great time! When I hit puberty and developed boobs, I started to hate it... and then all of a sudden, I went from an XS to an XL in 6 months!!! I'll never forget the trip to the beach that changed everything! It was the summer I turned 12 and sand got trapped in the crotch of my bathing suit and I looked like I crapped my pants! I had to change out of my suit, under a freakin blanket when it was 95 out and I was soaked! Do you know how hard it is to change into your mom's Jean shorts when you're skin is wet and you're starting to get too chubby for your moms clothes??? NOT A FUN experience at all! From that day forward, I HATED the beach!!! I was mortified and NEVER wanted to feel like that ever again! I only went on maybe 2 handful trips to the beach after that. When I was 17/18 I went again and I had fun with friends, but I also was thinner and a little more confident! Today... nope! I feel anxiety if someone mentions going to the beach. And where does my daughter live???? Virginia Beach! What does she love??? The beach!!!