Difficult Decision

I have been trying to make one of the most difficult decisions in my life now for nearly 6 weeks and I know some of my close friends and family are probably tired of the waiting and tired of hearing me talk, but I have to make something very clear... this is NOT easy for me.  The last time I made a decision like the one I am mulling over it ended very badly for me and scarred me for life.  Now I am in NO WAY saying that this is how this decision will end.  I don't know what to expect, but the last one left an impression on me that I still have nightmares about to this day and it happened 18 years ago!!!   So all I am asking is that my family and friends be patient with me.  I have not changed my mind about this, it's just a little more complicated than I ever thought possible when you still have feelings...