Random thoughts of ???

So how does one recover from a major fight with your daughter? It's not an easy process I guess. I'm just... I don't know ... feeling very lost and alone... How do you escape yourself without dying? I have a million and one scenarios playing out in my head... Reasons... Pros and cons... Depression is an awful thing... Paralyzingly awful... My mothers health is failing... Seeing a lung specialist next month with her to find out if the 3 masses that were found should be biopsied. The C word lingers in my head and not just any C word... Lung cancer C word. I'm not ready to lose my mom... It'll be 5 years in March since losing my dad... Still haven't recovered from that... Just want to sleep for a week... Stay in bed for 7 days and do NOTHING but sleep... I'm so exhausted! My mind won't shut off... Somebody save me... Lord are you out there? Scattered... Losing faith... Broken!

Feeling lost

My daughter and I had a fight that escalated into a full blown battle. Over what you ask? Cheese. Well the lack of it in our house because I just didn't feel like going grocery shopping after the long week I had. I mean I had planned to go today, just lost track of the time and before I knew it, it was time to make dinner. I put chicken breasts into the oven with some veges but lo and behold she didn't want that because I seasoned it with a half of ranch dressing packet!!! So she decided on grilled cheese and I didn't have any so let the temper tantrum begin... Did I forget to mention she's 18??? For those of you who were thinking poor little 5 year old; horrible mommy and all that... Wait what? 18? Yep, 18! 

I know I'm the BIGGEST procrastinator out there...and I HATE to shop, but this week kicked my ass! I work 2 jobs for school and yes it amounts to roughly 8 hours a day but it's broken up and challenging to get anything done. I had a wedding to go to and every night after work I had to run somewhere to buy something for someone for this wedding!!! Plus make dinner, clean up, look after 3 dogs and 2 cats and try to please everyone. Oh and did I mention that I got absolutely horrible news about my mothers failing health that is just not sitting well with me? Anyways back to my fight...it just got ugly and things were said... More from her than me because she has no respect for me and doesn't hesitate to let me know it when she's mad at me for something. So I left to cool off (and buy cheese) and I sent her a text message that basically was apologetic and now that I think about it, sounded a little goodbyeish... She freaked out and then more Unniceness happened and now she's turned this around to make me look like the bad mommy if the year!!!  Even my husband is like what did you say to her to make her cry??? Ok, I get it! No one likes to be shown a mirror and made to realize that they're being a shit, but damn!!!! When do I ever catch a break???? I'm drowning here and everyone is describing the water around me and having a laughing good time!!! Because she treated me bad and I pointed it out, I am the bad guy now?!  Not fair!!!