Sunday went like this...

I got up, I got showered... no we're not going to make it a rundown of what vicki did today, lol... Today was for the most part a good day with the exception of some undeserved sarcastic comments from a certain person who I think was trying to get a rise out of me.  We took the kids for one last hurrah for ice cream today and bought 2 kickballs being the weather is changing and maybe we could start playing a little... the game was good and we were actually being nice to one another and when I say one another I mean me and my husband.  Then I kick a good stiff ball towards the outfield and he tried to run for it so he can get me out because he loves to show me how much better he is at everything than me and when he did, he tripped and started to go head first into a pile of cinderblocks!!!  I stop in my tracks and cover my mouth letting go a startled scream cause all I can picture is his head slamming into them and he'd get hurt and at the last minute he throws his hands out and his head literally stopped within centimeters of this pile of bricks... he's panting hard at the realization of what could've happened, the kids are upset, my daughter is almost crying and I ask oh my God, are you okay?  He insists he's okay and sits for a few minutes regrouping as we all speculate what if.  I mean I know things are rocky between us and all, but I don't want to see anything bad happen to him.  I help him to his feet, we continue the game for a little while and we all go inside.  Well a little while later he comes into the kitchen and stands in the doorway of our bedroom where I am sitting on my computer; checking email.  I look up and he says to me well you almost got what you wanted today.  I was like what?  And he says you almost got what you wanted, but not quite huh and walks away from me.  I was like what the f*ck was that?  So i get up and go out into the living room where he is and ask him what that was supposed to mean and dontcha think that was a little uncalled for?  He asked me if the truth hurt?  I was like truth about what?  Getting what I wanted.  I asked him if he wasn't sure about it being what he wanted. He said something about him getting hurt or killed wouldn't be what he wanted, but what I wanted and I just walked away from him mad once again. 

  I may be alot of things in my lifetime, but wishing death or someone to get hurt is not one of those things... His comments were neither funny or called for and I certainly didn't appreciate it...

  So now I sit here on my computer once more blogging about him yet again and wondering how do I get myself into shit like this when I am busy minding my own business???

Drama does a follow me...

damn!  Talk about your major meltdown and I had nothing to do with it... My son and his wife... All I can say is DAMN!!!  I am going to need therapy before this is all over with...

Difficult Decision

I have been trying to make one of the most difficult decisions in my life now for nearly 6 weeks and I know some of my close friends and family are probably tired of the waiting and tired of hearing me talk, but I have to make something very clear... this is NOT easy for me.  The last time I made a decision like the one I am mulling over it ended very badly for me and scarred me for life.  Now I am in NO WAY saying that this is how this decision will end.  I don't know what to expect, but the last one left an impression on me that I still have nightmares about to this day and it happened 18 years ago!!!   So all I am asking is that my family and friends be patient with me.  I have not changed my mind about this, it's just a little more complicated than I ever thought possible when you still have feelings...

I know, I know..

I know I said I would keep up to date with this, but life comes at you fast.  My blog is not for people looking for Bon Jovi news or anything like that; they are just my personal interests and fun for me.  My blog is about what's going on inside my head and sometimes I don't like to share it. 

The last few weeks have been exceptionally hard for me to "deal with"... who am I kidding the last few months have been exceptionally hard for me to deal with.  I have had 2 sick parents, summer vacation with 5 children at home and I really can't call them children any longer because 3 of them are now in their 20's, my marriage hitting a rough patch again and my struggles with my own self on my plate.  Yes, I know things can be changed or made better and every line someone can come up with, but the truth of the matter is I just dont' have the energy for it anymore.  I feel like I have run a freakin' marathon and don't have anymore left to give...

Write more tomorrow I guess... loss my zest for this...cause I sound like I'm whining...

This Ain't A Love Song

Just the mood I am in tonight...These lyrics speak volumes for me...

I should have seen it coming when roses died
Should have seen the end of summer in your eyes
I should have listened when you said good night
You really meant good bye
Baby, ain't it funny, how you never ever learn to fall
You're really on your knees, when you think you're standing tall
But only fools are know-it-alls and I played that fool for you

I cried and I cried
There were nights that died for you baby
I tried and I tried to deny that your love drove me crazy, baby

If the love that I got for you is gone
If the river I cried ain't that long
Then I'm wrong, yeah I'm wrong, this ain't a love song

Baby, I thought you and me would stand the test of time
Like we got away with the perfect crime but
We were just a legend in my mind
I guess that I was blind
Remember those nights dancing at the masquerade
The clowns wore smiles that wouldn't fade
You and I were the renegades, some things never change

It made me so mad cause I wanted it bad for us baby
Now its so sad that whatever we had, ain't worth saving
If the love that I got for you is gone
If the river Ive cried ain't that long
Then I'm wrong, yes I'm wrong, this ain't a love song

If the pain that I'm feeling so strong
Is the reason that I'm holding on
Then I'm wrong, yeah I'm wrong - this ain't a love song

I cried and I cried
There were nights that I died for you baby
I tried and I tried to deny that your love drove me crazy

If the love that I got for you is gone
If the river I cried ain't that long
Then I'm wrong, yeah I'm wrong - this ain't no love song

If the pain that I'm feeling so strong
Is the reason that I'm holding on
Then I'm wrong, yeah I'm wrong - this ain't a love song

If the pain that Im feeling so strong
Is the reason that Im holding on
Then Im wrong, yeah Im wrong - this aint a love song
Yes, Im wrong, yeah, Im wrong - this aint a love song
Yes, Im wrong, yeah, Im wrong - this aint a love song
Yes, Im wrong, yeah, Im wrong - this aint a love song

My Playlist Playlist by ~*~VICKI~*~ on MySpace Music - Play Playlist Songs & Download Tracks

My Playlist Playlist by ~*~VICKI~*~ on MySpace Music - Play Playlist Songs & Download Tracks

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The Forgotten Blog Finds Its Master

Wow... when they say the first thing to go is your mind they were not kidding!!!  I had forgotten this little space of the internet belonged to me and my last post was like 2005!!!  2005?  Like 4 years ago people!!!  Well I have successfully pulled my head out of my ass and here I am.

I am 4 years older and hopefully 4 years wiser and still very much me!!!  My addition has been complete for quite some time now and we had another wonderful summer swimming in the pool.  Jessica and Jacob are now 12 and 10 in that order and I am still married.  I still work as a cook and am going into my 5th year at doing it.  My job is fun; I get to see the kids when they are at their best and they love me.  This year's work schedule will be different though; I have to actually behave myself, hahahahahaha; yeah right.

Here's a updated version of one I posted originally years back

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ARTICLE OF CLOTHING? Still my jeans

FAVORITE PHYSICAL FEATURE OF THE OPPOSITE SEX? Still the eyes (the window to the soul)

WHAT'S THE LAST MOVIE THAT YOU SAW AT THE THEATER? Transformers; Revenge of the Fallen.

WHERE'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO BE? Lost in my fiction I write

WHERE'S YOUR LEAST FAVORITE PLACE TO BE? reality

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO BE MASSAGED? Still my feet

WHAT'S MOST IMPORTANT, STRONG IN MIND OR STRONG IN BODY? Still strong in mind.

WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING? This year will be 6am

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE KITCHEN APPLIANCE? dishwasher

WHAT MAKES YOU REALLY ANGRY? people who make me hurry to wait

IF YOU COULD PLAY ANY INSTRUMENT WHAT WOULD IT BE? Still the guitar of course

FAVORITE COLORS? Purple and Black

WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SPORTS CAR, OR SUV? I want a Mustang or a Vette... so sportscar

DO YOU BELIEVE IN AFTERLIFE? Yes; ABSOLUTELY!!!

FAVORITE CHILDREN'S BOOK? Still Goodnight Moon

WHAT'S YOUR LEAST FAVORITE HOUSEHOLD CHORE? Still cleaning the toilet (I don't pee on it, I pee in it, why do I have to clean it?)

IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPER POWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE? And yes I still want to read minds

IF YOU COULD HAVE 1/2 HOUR TALKING TO A FAMOUS PERSON, WHO WOULD IT BE? Richie Sambora

NAME THE ONE PERSON FROM YOUR PAST YOU WISH YOU COULD GO BACK AND TALK WITH? Forever be my Sister ( I was 4 months old when she died)

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE DAY? Monday (kids go back to school)

WHAT'S IN THE TRUNK OF YOUR CAR? No trunk, but I have a comforter that needs washed, grocery bags and a container with important car maintenance things

SUShI OR HAMBURGER?  Cheeseburger

IF YOU COULD PICK WHAT YOU DO FOR A LIVING, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? Write fiction and get paid to do it; Richie Sambora's masseuse.

IF YOU HAD 3 WISHES, WHAT WOULD THEY BE?  That my family would be healthy; never have to worry about money and happy knowing their faith will get them through whatever life throws at them.