Crossroads...

Today is one of those days where you look at yourself in the mirror and say stay strong; you will get over this hump in your life.  It has nothing to do with my personal stuff like family or husband or even kids...it's the dreaded old issue of weight.   It's no secret that I have been on a diet for 2 plus months...following the same strict routine forever of special K for breakfast, salad with protein for lunch and a sensible dinner of one helping of what I made on my plate... sounds simple right?  Well then there's the part of no carbonated beverages not even diet of any kind, no eating after 7 o'clock and my favorite no snacks unless you are willing to give up half of your dinner plate in exchange...I know, it's sounds tough; it is!!!  I have been following this religiously up until this past week because I wasn't losing any more weight than my original 13 pounds.  Plateau I know...I HATE them, but let me tell you I can't give up much more than I already have food wise or I'd be eating nothing and listening to grumbling otherwise known as my stomach while it cramps up on me along with my legs...I drink OJ with my breakfast to stop the leg cramping, but it does nothing for the shakes I get; shakes so bad that my whole insides quiver along with my hands...what's a fat girl to do?  If you say exercise... HA; already do that...I walk 2 miles on my treadmill every other night to the sounds of Bon Jovi telling me We Got It Going On, Keep The Faith, We Weren't Born To Follow and so on...hell I even listen to Riahanna tell me please don't stop the music and *gasp* Brittany Spears pushing me to be stronger than yesterday...I sweat so bad I have to take a shower because I look like I just stepped out of one with my workout clothes on!!! 
  So back to my crossroads troubles I mentioned?  Well I haven't lost anymore weight since my 13 pounds and my clothes are at a crossroads with my body...You know where your fat clothes make you look dumpy because they are hanging off you, but you haven't lost enough weight yet to get your fat ass back into the smaller sized jeans you have stuffed in your dresser???  You know the ones that if you lost that 10 more pounds they would look good on you and not like you're trying to stuff 10 pounds of shit into a 5 pound bag???  This is why women get discouraged and fall off the frickin' wagon!!!  What do I have to do to get my metabolism to cooperate with me?  Hire a personal trainer?  Well hell, if I could afford that, I'd have the fat sucked out of my ass don'tcha think?  I am so tired of depriving myself of everything only for it to be for nothing...Yes, I know lifestyle change, blah, blah, f*cking blah!  I have changed my lifestyle!  I rarely eat fried foods opting for baked, I cut out as much sugar as i possibly can from my diet suffering through cramps and bloating of that fake sugar shit, I eat so much vege's it's no wonder my skin hasn't turned frickin' green!!!  I just don't get why some women can stuff anything into their mouth and not gain an ounce, but me?  If I so much as THINK about eating chocolate cake or a scoop of ice cream I gain 5 pounds!!!  Both of my brother's took after my mother and are trim and never had a weight problem... who did I take after??? Dear ole dad who isn't!

I want to love my body and feel good about myself, but today is just not that day!  *SIGH*

Feeling Kinda Blah...

Tonight.  Don't know why... just am...I walked on the treadmill, but the adrenaline rush is already gone for walking 2 miles at 2 minutes less than before (44.10 to 42.00 flat...)... I don't know; hope I'm not getting sick; maybe I just need a good night's sleep.  Was pretty bummed to find out that my brother's 11 year sober streak ended 4/9 on his 48th birthday.  I know I should let it go, but I some how feel like Superman isn't real anymore; I can see the wire he was flying from and it's a MAJOR mood killer *sigh*

Tomorrow will be better after some sleep.  I have to be in a better mood; it's one of my friends birthdays, lol... I'm praying for sunshine for them...

Well off to pick the man boy up from work and then perhaps  I will find my bed and get some shuteye...

I never posted about...

my Bon Jovi show in Philly on March 24th because well I was flying so high after it that I didn't feel like it, LOL!!!  Let me start by saying Jennifer you are the WOMAN!!!  I have to say she is the ONLY reason I got to go.  She surprised me with tickets to the show about 10 days before it and when we got to the arena and saw where our seats were, OH MY GOD!!!  4 rows from the stage on Richie's side and I thought I would hyperventilate from happiness!!!!  The man was literally 20-25 feet from me for almost 3 hours!!!  They opened with a new song from The Circle called Happy Now and went into another new song called We Weren't Born To Follow...Instead of typing up a setlist, allow me to just put this thing here...

The show was absolutely one of the BEST nights of my life.  I met some really wonderful people that night who were both kind, generous and some of the nicest people I will ever have the pleasure of meeting.  The band played and sang their hearts out like I have never seen before and this was my 5th opportunity to see them live since 1989.  The music, the banter between songs, the atmosphere was like nothing I have ever experienced before and it definitely will be a night I will NEVER forget!!!                                            

Saturday Ramblings...

Had a busy day today after waking up late... took my man boy to work, visited a friend and showed her my pix I took at my Bon Jovi show, watched some TV with the family, answered some emails...  I still have bookoo laundry to complete yet before Monday, but I'll get to it tomorrow I'm sure.  My work uniforms are done at least.  MUST walk on the treadmill tonight...I hear it calling my name!

I have come to the conclusion...

that diets SUCK!!!

  But I have to admit when I follow this one, it works.  Now off to the treadmill to further the progress of eliminating this rear bumper of mine...

Today was a good day...

the sun was shining, the kids didn't fight that much, I got to write a little and it made sense, my daughter CLEANED MY HOUSE!!!  Yeah, today was a GOOD day!  More later...

Is my luck finally changing???

That seems to be the question of the day?  I was just a reading something to my cousin over the phone and all of a sudden my cell phone goes off in the kitchen.  So I finish my sentence and said, hold on a sec, I gotta text message... oh wait I have 2 text messages... my cousin laughs and I pisk up my phone and say damn I am still figuring out how to use this new cell phone... so i finally get my text message thingy opened and lo and behold it's a text message from Bon Jovi... WHAT?  WAIT?  BON JOVI???  Oh yeah, I signed up for text alerts when something BIG is goign to happen in the land of all things Jovi related... so I was like wonder what's going on???  My cousin laughs at me and then hears me exclaim HOLY SHIT!!!  She's like what?  WHAT?  I'm like oh my God, no way!  She's like oh my God, no way what?  I'm like...Oh my God, I just won a signed copy of THE CIRCLE by Bon Jovi!!!  She's like no way, get out of here!  I'm like yes way!  I was so excited!!!  EXCITED people!  I don't own a single thing of Bon Jovi that is signed and I have been a fan since 1985!!!  So I try and figure out how I won this and then I see thebottom of the text it's for retweeting about wanting Bon Jovi tickets...  so you know what?  I am not even bummed that I didn't win the tickets because this is something I can add to my collection that I didn't have to pay for, I didn't have to buy off of someone who was looking to make a buck on my favorite band's signatures and best of all it came from them!!!  So THANK YOU BON JOVI; you made this fan a really HAPPY campa!!!

Monday, Monday

got the post Easter blues...  I was a good girl.  I had 3 pieces of candy and walked away.  I guess I could've been better and not had any, but where is the fun in that???  Tonight me and the treadmill have a hot date.  My goal for this evening is going to be 2 miles.  I need to lose another 10 pounds before May; my ultimate goal is 55 more pounds, but I am taking baby steps this time and not setting myself up for failure.  I have been sucessful and have lost 13 pounds...it's been tough.  I gave up goodies for 6 weeks!!!  So Easter came and I had a little bit of indulgence and now I am back to normal tomorrow with special K for breakfast w/OJ, lunch a nice chef salad w/ balsmic dressing and then my very sensible dinner of meat starch and vege w/1 slice of wheat bread.  I am committed to getting rid of this unhealthy excess.

Today I managed to get the game room cleaned up and all the crap lying around put away or thrown away...goodbye old dryer, so long corner TV stand that I bought the day of my Bon Jovi concert in 2001, adios old dresser and microwave cart, see ya miscellaneous junk that I kept for God knows why...it was a pleasure...My BIG project tonight is to get all my clean laundry folded and put away so I can tackle MORE dirty laundry tomorrow...doesn't my life sound exciting???

I also have pretty tulips to plant that were Easter presents from my kids.  Sometimes they do surprise me with random acts of kindness and thoughtfulness...makes me swell with pride, lol...

That's all for now; tune in later or perhaps tomorrow for more exciting random acts of blabbering from yours truly, lmao...

Happy Easter (once more with feeling...)

Just wishing everyone a safe, healthy and happy Easter... got a special visit from my big bro on the Harley, another special visit from a dear old friend and her family... life is good.  I am truly blessed!  Now off to another very dear friends place to wreak some havoc in the world of writing...

Writing Bug

I think it has once again bitten me... I need to work on raging darkness, but I'm slumming with some fantasy type stuff right now to lift my spirits after the yay it's just jeans comment...

Doing a little happy dance with tears

so I pulled out a pair of jeans that I bought like 6 weeks ago to wear to a concert that didn't fit me because I have lost like 13 pounds in 6 weeks...well when I bought them I couldn't get them past my fat ass and I had to wear something else to the show; well low and behold tonight I not only got them up over my fat ass, I got them buttoned and zippered too and I didn't have to pull the old 80's trick of laying on the bed either, lol!!!  I was so proud of me that I sauntered out into the living room to show off the fact hey husband of mine, look and needless to say I didn't get the reaction I was hoping for.  Yay what you have jeans on...woooo whoooo... how come men only notice things when they want something???

Updated My Background

I am really liking this new blogger templates... wish I knew how to use them better, but with a little help from photoshop I think I made it look pretty...

So maybe I need to start using this thing...

Okay it's been like... oh forget it... it's been a long time... not to sound like an old Boston song...damn where do I begin??? 

  Well let's start from the last post...Last time I posted I was contemplating a MAJOR life desicion and guess what??? I followed thru with it!!!  I left home in October and thanks goes out to the good Lord above and all my family and friends for helping me to get thru it, work it out and move back home so my family could start the much needed healing process.  Let's face it; my marriage was crumbling all around me and I didn't know what to do...but like I said, with the help of my family and friends and keeping my faith; things have turned back around and I truly believe in the right direction.

  I gave up my myspace which was causing me headaches in more ways than one; I put the freeze on facebook.  The only time I go on there is to see what's going on with Bon Jovi when they post a new thing for me to read.  You think it's sad???  Well I don't.

  Bon Jovi is and shall always will be my absolute favorite band!!!  They have picked me up when I was down, helped me dust myself off and got me to stick to my guns and keep the faith.  They have supplied the soundtrack of my life and I will be forever grateful to them.  Richie Sambora may not be the flashiest guitar player on the face of the Earth, make Rolling Stones top 100 guitarists of all time or even have the techniques of Eddie Van Halen or Joe Satriani, but that man's playing MOVES me like no other guitar player can!!!  When he bends a note, you feel his emotion bleeding thru it, when he strums those strings you feel his pain, his happiness, his drive...His songwriting makes you feel his passion for life and I couldn't imagine anyone other than himself or Jon Bon Jovi singing it...

  Okay, done rambling about the beauty of Bon Jovi...although I am still PISSED AS HELL that the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame has snubbed them yet again!!!  Should be called rock and roll hall of shame...Bon Jovi deserve to be in there!!!  Okay, really done now...

  So now that my life has settled down (some what) my goals are to try and get a few books published that me and my sister from another mother have worked together on and maybe make some dough doing what I love doing...WRITING!!!, enjoying my family and keeping my head above water for the time being...

  Promise to update more often, but I'm gonna get moving for now... I need to catch Survivor ondemand with my family...PEACE!!!