Today is one of those days where you look at yourself in the mirror and say stay strong; you will get over this hump in your life. It has nothing to do with my personal stuff like family or husband or even kids...it's the dreaded old issue of weight. It's no secret that I have been on a diet for 2 plus months...following the same strict routine forever of special K for breakfast, salad with protein for lunch and a sensible dinner of one helping of what I made on my plate... sounds simple right? Well then there's the part of no carbonated beverages not even diet of any kind, no eating after 7 o'clock and my favorite no snacks unless you are willing to give up half of your dinner plate in exchange...I know, it's sounds tough; it is!!! I have been following this religiously up until this past week because I wasn't losing any more weight than my original 13 pounds. Plateau I know...I HATE them, but let me tell you I can't give up much more than I already have food wise or I'd be eating nothing and listening to grumbling otherwise known as my stomach while it cramps up on me along with my legs...I drink OJ with my breakfast to stop the leg cramping, but it does nothing for the shakes I get; shakes so bad that my whole insides quiver along with my hands...what's a fat girl to do? If you say exercise... HA; already do that...I walk 2 miles on my treadmill every other night to the sounds of Bon Jovi telling me We Got It Going On, Keep The Faith, We Weren't Born To Follow and so on...hell I even listen to Riahanna tell me please don't stop the music and *gasp* Brittany Spears pushing me to be stronger than yesterday...I sweat so bad I have to take a shower because I look like I just stepped out of one with my workout clothes on!!!
So back to my crossroads troubles I mentioned? Well I haven't lost anymore weight since my 13 pounds and my clothes are at a crossroads with my body...You know where your fat clothes make you look dumpy because they are hanging off you, but you haven't lost enough weight yet to get your fat ass back into the smaller sized jeans you have stuffed in your dresser??? You know the ones that if you lost that 10 more pounds they would look good on you and not like you're trying to stuff 10 pounds of shit into a 5 pound bag??? This is why women get discouraged and fall off the frickin' wagon!!! What do I have to do to get my metabolism to cooperate with me? Hire a personal trainer? Well hell, if I could afford that, I'd have the fat sucked out of my ass don'tcha think? I am so tired of depriving myself of everything only for it to be for nothing...Yes, I know lifestyle change, blah, blah, f*cking blah! I have changed my lifestyle! I rarely eat fried foods opting for baked, I cut out as much sugar as i possibly can from my diet suffering through cramps and bloating of that fake sugar shit, I eat so much vege's it's no wonder my skin hasn't turned frickin' green!!! I just don't get why some women can stuff anything into their mouth and not gain an ounce, but me? If I so much as THINK about eating chocolate cake or a scoop of ice cream I gain 5 pounds!!! Both of my brother's took after my mother and are trim and never had a weight problem... who did I take after??? Dear ole dad who isn't!
I want to love my body and feel good about myself, but today is just not that day! *SIGH*
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